Feeling alive again

There is a side effect to the steps I have been taking on my journey that I didn’t really expect. I always thought it was part of the welcome package when you reached “goal” but I am learning that “goal” is not really a destination and that you get rewarded for positive actions all the time, as long as those actions are ones that get you closer to a healthier you.

I feel more alive. It might some strange to some but having a positive goal to work towards and having mini achievements throughout makes me feel more alive. With every extra light in my chain I get more confident, people notice, people react well to confidence and that reaction makes me feel even more alive, even more confident.

It’s not to say that I feel alive because of other people’s reaction to me. It certainly helps but their reaction to me is a mirror of my reaction to myself. I don’t flinch so much anymore when the front camera is on and I didn’t know. I walk past the mirror in the corridor and I am happy with the person looking back at me. She is showing progress, her skin is glowing and there is a smile there on her face that was gone for too long.

I have a new challenge to myself. Smile authentically. For so long I have put on a smile on face to hide the sadness in my eyes. When I smile for a picture I try to apply all the tricks to hide the double chin or the chubby cheeks. Not anymore. I will smile to show how alive I am and who cares if there are 20 chins, at the end of the day if my soul shines through too.

Vanity kill too many journeys, it will not kill mine. Not now, not when I have discovered how alive it makes me feel.


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