All the hard work

I am in a space this week that I don’t want to be in but I know I need to process it and come out on the other side.I tried ignoring it, I tried ra-ra’ing it and I entertained the idea for a moment, just for a moment, to give in to it. I won’t though, I will push through, I will process it and I will learn from it. That’s why I am writing about it.

This week I am just plain tired. Tired of every day being a fight, tired that ever day is a long work day. I don’t mean job work, I mean me work, projectHila work. Rael, my amazing dietician warned me, when I had a moment similar to this in his office a few weeks back, it will be hard work for at least a year and a half, that only then can I consider letting go of the reins ever so slightly and let loose.

Every day counts. I need to swim twice a week, I need to go for a walk twice a week, I need to do 5km on a Saturday, I need to track the food that I eat and this is all still hard work. If I don’t put the effort in, it’s bad. If I skip days, if I go wild, I don’t maintain or gain a little. I gain, I gain a lot. The effort I need to put in to lose 1kg is immense and if I lose momentum I gain back that 1kg and it normally brings a friend.

So I am a little fatigued and I am acknowledging it. Trying to keep my walks fun, focussing on technique in the pool and generally giving myself small breaks without breaking from my healthy habits. I know now, consistency is key.

If I am honest, it’s the little things that keep me going. The little notification, when you complete your MyFitnessPal entry, that tells you how much you will weigh in 5 weeks if every day is like the last. The PBs when I get to the end of the workout. The comments on my posts on Instagram and Facebook. The Kudos on STRAVA and the people, some of whom I don’t know, stopping me on the promenade or after a parkrun and tell me that I inspire them.

Sure there is an ultimate goal that I working towards but it’s very far away. Even seeing a big difference is far away, so I can’t use that to fuel my motivation. It’s too ethereal and has slipped from my fingers too often. So if you are reading this, this week I need your kind words to get me through, to break out of the mood that I am in. I can do it myself and I will but a little bit of wind beneath my wings will help me soar.